Forgive Us Our Trespasses
by The Serpent and the Ice
Summary: How everything could of gone down after Haitus. Was the team really fair to Tony? Was Gibbs? Sometimes we wish to fix our mistakes, to make things right again. But sometimes what we do is too little too late.


Hello! Here's a little thing I've been working on in my down time. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think about it.

And please review

* * *

He came back. After 4 months in Mexico sipping coronas and building hot tubs with Franks, Gibbs came back. He should be happy right, everyone else was happy. They even seemed relieved that he was back. So he should be happy too, right?

Okay, so maybe he wasn't all that happy. He really was glad that Gibbs was back, but he couldn't help feeling a little resentful towards his old mentor.

He had left them.

So maybe he had a good reason to do what he did, a really good reason. But that doesn't change the fact that he abandoned the team. He gave up and decided that leaving was better than staying to confront what had happened. The lose of loved ones is very painful, but he wasn't alone. They were all here for him if he'd just let them help him.

They say that grief settles down in 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And although Gibbs was still alive, it didn't lesson the impact of loss. Abby and McGee started off on denial, Ziva on the other hand bypassed the denial part and went straight to anger. The director had wanted to take them off rotation for the time being so that they could work out their situation, but he had refused.

The first two month were bad. No, they were hell. Abby, Ziva and McGee downright refused to follow his orders. He couldn't ask them to do anything without it turning into a huge fight. But he was determined to hold the team, his family together no matter what. But some of the things they had said cut deep. He knew that they were angry and needed someone to take it out on and that they probably didn't mean the things they said. But he couldn't help but wonder if they were right.

After the initial anger, a deep depression took hold. Abby cried all the time. She didn't play her music anymore, drink cafpow's, or even smile. It had taken a while to get her to bounce back again. He had taken to taking her out to dinner or clubbing every Saturday night with scheduled movie nights every Thursday.

McGee wasn't as affected by Gibb's departure as the others had been, he was still the same insecure and clueless probie. It was their relationship that changed. He became the senior field agent so Tony began to build up on his character. Giving him on the job pointers and even taking him out to the range for a couple of hours of practice. He was really beginning to shape up into a senior field agent.

Ziva was different than the rest. It was plain to see that she had been affected by Gibbs sudden departure, if you knew what to look for. She was really good at hiding her feelings behind that crazy ninja chick façade. It actually turned out to be quite a challenge to get her to open up. But he was nothing if not persistent. It had taken some doing and a lot of patience, but they had managed to form a sort of tenuous bond in and out of work. They would sometimes go out for drinks and every Wednesday night he would give her piano lessons. Who would of thought that he would bond with the hard mossad officer over a piano?

All that changed however when Gibbs came back. Everything was back to the way it was before Gibbs left. The team ignored his orders and treated him as the overgrown frat boy again.

And now, as he sat at his own desk and took in the smiling faces of his team as they joked and once again told Gibbs how good it was to have him back, he didn't know what to do. For the first time since this whole thing started, he felt out of place, like he didn't belong. He rose from his chair and excused himself from the bullpen, not at all surprised when no one seemed to notice.

He walked as quickly as he could towards the elevator without attracting attention. As soon as the doors closed he hit the emergency stop button. He leaned back against the wall of the elevator and closed his eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths to get his emotions under check. Once he was calm, he opened his eyes and got the elevator started again, pushing the button that would take him down to autopsy and the only two other people who weren't as overjoyed as everyone else.

* * *

"Mr. Palmer, have you finished restocking the cabinets yet?"

"Not yet Doctor, I just finished taking inventory."

Any comment that Ducky was going to give was interrupted by the opening of the automated doors.

"Ah, Anthony. I thought you would be upstairs celebrating the closing of another case under the supervision of our esteemed leader."

If anyone noted the slight tint of anger in his words, they didn't mention it. "Nah, the others have it covered. I thought I'd stop by and see what you two were doing." He raised an eyebrow at the boxes and medical supplies that covered every inch of the room. "Spring cleaning?"

Ducky chuckled and shook his head. "We are just taking inventory of our supplies and restocking."

Eyeing the young man critically, he took in the tight lines of stress around the eyes and mouth despite the smile that he always seemed to wear. "Tell me, what brings you down here tonight. Shouldn't you be going home about now?"

The smile faltered somewhat as he met the doctor's eyes. "Yah, just came to say goodnight. See you in the morning." He turned and began walking back towards the doors.

"Tony, Wait. What's wrong?" Tony turned with a firm smile in place to deny that anything was wrong, but the elderly ME's concerned gaze stopped the lie from forming in his mouth.

Ducky and Palmer noticed a visible change in Tony's appearance as he drooped the always present smile and his shoulders sagged, showing just how truly tired he was.

"Mr. Palmer, I do believe we are in need of a strong drink."

"Right away doctor."

As Palmer took out a the bottle of scotch and 3 glasses Tony told them everything that had happened since Gibbs return. The cases with Ziva and Fornell that had brought him out of retirement. How the team had been ignoring him. How they all kept reminding him that he wasn't Gibbs, how they wouldn't follow his orders anymore, how Gibbs didn't seem to remember him anymore. He told them about Paula, and how her death had affected him. He also told them about the Director's offer to ROTA and how he had turned it down because 'Gibbs had a mustache'.

"Did I do the right thing not accepting the promotion?" The long silence that had settled in the room was finally broken by Tony's quiet voice.

Taking in his tired posture and weary face, Ducky answered in an equally quiet voice. "We have known each other for 7 years. I still remember our first meeting in Baltimore. You and Jethro were quite alike, butted heads the whole time if memory serves." This enticed a small smile from Tony. "I have seen you through some of the worst cases we have had to deal with and I have seen you meet each challenge head on. I know you Tony, I know the immense compassion that you are capable of. I see it every time we are struck by tragedy. You were always there for us, when Catlin died, when Gibbs left, even when you had the plague you were the one to comfort us, to reassure us that everything was going to work out." He paused a bit to gather his thoughts, noticing that his words were having an effect on the young agent before him. "I never noticed Tony and for that I am truly sorry. You have always been our rock, you have always been there for us. You always wanted to fix what was broken, but it was never your burden to carry alone."

Tony raked a shaking hand through his hair. "It's just…I don't think I can do this anymore." Ducky placed a comforting hand on Tony's shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze.

"I'm glad you didn't take that promotion Tony. It just wouldn't be the same without you here, and…I'd miss you." Tony looked into Palmers eyes and gave a soft smile at the sincerity he saw there.

"Thanks Jimmy."

Knowing how the young man was uncomfortable with emotions, Ducky decided now was a good enough time to change the subject. "My this place is certainly a mess. Seems like we are going to spend all night here.

"Well, I guess we better get started then." Tony moved over to a box. "So, where do these go?"

* * *

Also, I might of messed around a bit with the timeline so don't get mad at that for me. It just helps the story along better.

This is how it goes. After Gibbs comes back they have the cases with Ziva and Fornell. Then Franks and Paula.

Man, poor Tony. It's like people just like to make him suffer.

And up next,, you guessed it. It's Requim.


End file.
